2

THE TELECASTER
EXCERPTS FROM A PERSONAL JOURNAL 1990/1991
BY WILLIAM HILLMAN 
CHAPTER II
Reflections made during the year-long odyssey
in search of the first Masters Degree
presented to a Canadian educator
by Brandon University's Faculty of Education

A juxtaposition of thoughts emanating from nostalgia, 
family, music,teaching and the university experience

.
ACT I: A PERSONAL JOURNAL
CHAPTER II (excerpts)
strange bedfellows... 
dinosaur dung...
peer evaluation... 
the best laid plans... 
computer takeover computer paradox... 
pellucidar... 
find your own voice the moons of barsoom... 
springboards across the mersey... 
pervasive PO... 
there ain't much PO in death... 
the crucifixion... 
divine love... 
crutchifixion cosmos... 
feet of clay... 
stop the future... 
country cousins... 
academic irrelevance... 
old style thinking and the real world... 
crisis of confidence... 
flight and fight... 
PO as a skill, reverse gear and change tool...
everyone's a critic...
beyond a clockwork orange... 
grok... 
future shock... 
only everything...
.
.

CHAPTER II

strange bedfellows
The blossoming of the computer age gives a whole new perspective to Po. Computer awareness class discussions often center on computer "pioneers" with much of the talk revolving around the role of Apple in the early years (late '70s). Wozniak and Jobs created one of the first home-market micros in a garage in California. They were very much the creative hippies and struck a sympathetic chord with many loyal customers who saw them as "the little guy" pitted against the corporate giants. Their company grew and for a while all factions of art, science, creativity, pleasure, business and young and old came together - but only for a while. The unique marriage of these strange bedfellows fell apart as one of them, big business, outgrew the marriage bed...indeed, he outgrew the bedroom. The company creators felt uncomfortable as business administrators - their interest lay in creativity and in developing new ideas. The yes/no element of the "marriage" pushed them out of the bed and hired a real business man to run the company. He certainly had the experience, he used to sell Pepsi. Apple continues to make money but somehow much of the grassroots spirit is gone and many would argue that so are the fresh ideas and creativity which were so evident in the early years. No Po No Mo'

pellucidar
This whole business of writing seems to be a constant quest and seems to lead one from one step to another up some horizonless inner wall of some infinite sphere.

find your own voice
Every class and piece of required reading in Dean Robin Enns' graduate writing is concerned with the importance of imagination and the releasing of imagination in writing - of finding one's own voice. Writers are encouraged to write from their own experience or perceptions in a style that is an idiom or match for their true characters. More and more I find my self reaching back into my formative years to acknowledge from where some of my inspiration has come.

the moons of barsoom
Writers such as Ray Bradbury and even thinkers/scientists such as Carl Sagan acknowledge a debt to the pen of Edgar Rice Burroughs. Bradbury writes:
A number of people changed my life forever in various ways. But Mr. Burroughs convinced me that I could talk with the animals, even if they didn't answer back, and that late nights when I was asleep my soul slipped from my body, slung itself out the window, and frolicked across town never touching the lawns, always hanging from trees where, even later in those nights, I taught myself alphabets and soon learned French and English and danced with the apes when the moon rose.

But then again, his greatest gift was teaching me to look at Mars and ask to be taken home. I went home to Mars often when I was eleven and twelve and every year since, and the astronauts with me, as far as the Moon to start, but by Mars by the end of the century for sure. We have commuted because of Mr. Burroughs. Because of him we have printed the Moon. Because of him and men like him, one day in the next five centuries, we will commute forever, we will go away... And never come back... And so live forever.

I too did all of this, but the difference is I never learned to express the legacy as Bradbury learned to do so well.

springboards across the mersey
Lennon and McCartney were often amazed at the serious in-depth analyses made of their songs. Like most limitedly schooled rock musicians they chose words for their sounds and absurdity and purposely left the lyrics ambiguous so that "deep thinkers," and even - rechh - music critics, could use them as springboards to launch their own imaginations. Perhaps this is all that any great writer or composer should be expected to do.

there ain't much PO in death
Death seems to make its presence felt in cycles. Our cross-the-road neighbour is engaged in a death struggle with cancer - just another in a long line of victims in our immediate community over the last few years. Meanwhile, Uncle Don - Mom's brother - has had a series of very serious heart attacks. He looks great considering that he has gone through agonizing pain and has kept death at bay with nitro tablets - morphine - intensive care hook-ups, etc. They warn me that the condition is handed down through the mother's side of the family - not very reassuring - maybe I'm next. I'm not the first to ponder death.

"Death may be beautiful; dying is not." "It is so much like our own lives when we stand in perfect vigour and feel so much that time has given us all his flowers... ...and that the next work of his idle fingers will be to steal them one by one away." "As we advance in life we acquire a keener sense of the value of time." There ain't much Po in death. Lights on/Lights off... "Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything."



the crucifixion
The same Sunday morning programs on my one-eyed video friend which get my writing juices flowing also bring me to a realization of De Bono's criticism of the sharp polarization of 'good' and 'evil' and the resulting intolerance, arrogance, righteousness, and dogmatism bred by the fear, sin, and guilt associated with the Crucifixion. Although I respect dedication and personal commitment, I can't help but get a little impatient, annoyed and even somewhat frightened by many of the over-zealous missionaries who try to force their particular brand of religion on every moving thing. Their god has chosen some pretty second-rate people to represent him/her. I'm reminded of the Shangri-la philosophy in Hilton's Lost Horizon "The jewel has many facets." "Our people would be quite shocked by having to declare that one [religion] was completely right and another completely wrong." "It is possible that many religions are moderately true." Think of how many religious wars and how much destructive prejudice could have been avoided if a more tolerant Po-like premise had been followed by civilization. Any crackpot can justify anything he does by saying it is the will of God. God is on our side. God's word. God's will. God's only son?

divine love
As De Bono suggests, the world might have been a better place if somehow the Crucifixion had been dropped; this would have emphasized divine love rather than the dangerous yes/no arrogance associated with this historic death. I see so much of what passes as religious thinking as being anti-intellectual - a spewing of platitudes without thinking -"Thou shalt not...Thou shalt not...Believe without questioning - Fahrenheit 451 - 1984? Elmer Gantry - Wyndham's Chrysalids? Jimmy Swaggart - Jimmy Bakker - Jimmy Jones - Jimmy Snow. A "religious person" can do just as much harm to his fellow man as an non-religious person and can usually do it with less humour and more prejudice and misguided intentions. As with all Yes/No proponents, since an idea that is right is absolutely right, there can be no point in going further to look for a better idea. This smugness of logic cuts off creative exploration by making it unnecessary. They dare not question and this leads to incestuous tail-chasing within the parameters set by traditional doctrines.

crutchifixion
There are many people in my circle of acquaintances who owe a tremendous debt to their religion (although many of them are tithing it off annually at a rate of 10 per cent of their incomes). Their beliefs have helped them whip personal devils, emotional trauma, grief, failed relationships, misfortunes, chemical dependency and have helped them to get their lives back on track. So many of us have soft emotional underbellies and I guess it's a matter of whatever gets us through the night.

cosmos
I consider myself very religious but I guess I have taken a lateral loop around the 'middle man' - I've gone right to the top - The Cosmos. This is infinity... timeless... everything and more... beyond our imaginations... a question mark... creation and destruction constantly - before our eyes... ever expanding - ever contracting... minute - colossal... Theory and Practice (whoops! how'd that get in there - we'll leave it - I think it fits).

feet of clay
I have had many idols throughout my existence - I have believed in many people and things but they have all developed feet of clay. I expect a belief in a mystical being would meet with the same end - certainly none of the popular gods appear to be doing much to alleviate suffering, disease, injustice, unhappiness and man's inhumanity to man on this infinitesimal speck in the Universe. I have never tried, till now, to formulate these thoughts into words - this is not a popular stand to take in a country where most people will mouth what they believe are Christian beliefs without question.

stop the future
"manitoba schools face teacher shortage" brandon sun
My frustrated, out-of-work "Master's friend" threw this headline at me the other day. All efforts to find work as a class seven teacher for the last three years have met with dismal failure and rejection. He is not alone. We have, and are producing many teachers who are falling through cracks in the system. The fact that hundreds of education graduates can not find work should be some indication that the mill is turning out teachers not meeting the needs of today's society. It is a strange chaotic situation when there is such a demand for teachers in many areas while in the waiting room there is a cattle call of out-of-work professional.

country cousins
"the more change there is, the more chaos will there be, 
since chaos is caused by differing rates of change in different parts of the system"
The rural areas seem to be taking most of the brunt of the current upheavals in education. There is a reluctance of city dwellers to relocate to small towns due to the current stigma attached to the rural lifestyle. A lower standard of living, inadequate housing and amenities, lower wages, flack about being over-paid, lack of teaching resources, a scarcity of people in one's own age group and social status...these are just some of the problems facing a teacher considering a move to the country. Instead of alleviating the problem, technological advances seem to be compounding the problem. The Information Age, Computer Age, and Global Village concept all seem to be hastening the exodus from the country. Perhaps it is time to make the assumption that we are all Canadian persons living in a global village as part of a Global Village where our links to our neighbours are via technology and English. It doesn't take much of a mind shift to see that it is just as feasible to make links to the global community from Strathclair as from Brandon.

academic irrelevance
"the universities used to be the centres of thinking, but they are now dropping out of the scene ... old style intellectual habits have no relevance to the modern world"
Sadly, many institutes of "higher learning" seem to be wrapped up in navel probing and rear-view mirror gazing. Many professors are so concerned with 'publishing' that their classes 'perish'. Surely, one can preserve academic traditions and remain a member of the intelligentsia and still bring a '90s relevance to courses...too many "P"s and not enough "cues"... Pipes - patches - puppies (hush) - pulpit - past - preach - papers - prestige - publish or perish - passivity - preserve the past - plato - passe - pablum-for-the mind - piss-up-the-wall measurement of achievement...let's hatch a phoenix.

old style thinking and the real world
We have been equipped to defend ideas but have not been given any tools for changing ideas. More and more the gloom-and-doom artists are making themselves heard. We are surrounded by talk of the good old days when times were simpler and better. My mother often calls me into the retirement lodge to adjust her VCR, TV, stereo, or digital appliances and I am always amazed at the limited range of interests her lodge-mates possess. My mother, who reads everything in sight and is a world news fanatic, is a little out of sync with many of them - they constantly complain about lack of things to do and the long, long days. Many of these doomsayers are stalled in a time warp of their youth - perpetuating the likes dislikes, dress, speech, habits of their formative years - forgetting just how bad the 'good ole days' really were - now awash in a sea of new technology and values - a sea not necessarily 'gooder or badder', but infinitely more exciting.

flight and fight
Many of the problems experienced by young people and indeed, a large segment of the rest of society, stem from their being saddled with an old-style thinking system which is inadequate to deal with the modern world. Class discussions bring out some scary attitudes and beliefs - a direct result of their lack of coping strategies. Evangelists, cults, astrology, mysticism, drugs, satanism, the world of heavy metal, a distorted view of sex, glorification of mindless violence - are all ways of coping with a world they don't understand. Even scarier is that these are pretty straight-laced kids from stable homes.

PO as a skill, reverse gear and change tool
The experience of creating analogies and metaphors in my graduate writing is one which shall stay with me. It is not that I have never thought in, or created, metaphors but now the whole process is somehow legitimized - it may even be a wild, runaway stallion until I can get a saddle on it. To many of us, approaching the technology and grok of the year 2000 is akin to driving Aunt Nelly's Model 'T' in from the country to explore the big city. Travelling slowly, with shaky steering, intermittent brakes and unreliable reverse gear, we leave behind the pastoral plains with their straight-and-narrow country roads. We suddenly find ourselves in a loud, congested urban setting with traffic jams, fast lanes, slow lanes, passing lanes, back lanes, and dead ends. There are vehicles of all shapes, sizes and speeds navigating by-passes, under-passes, over-passes and day passes through intersections, stop lights, yield signs, radar traps, toll gates, bridges, crescents, bays, potholes, detours and pile-ups. There is an interplay of speeders, crawlers, tailgaters, truckers, patrolmen, impaired drivers, hotdoggers, cyclists, joggers, jaywalkers, pedestrians and dogs. It soon becomes evident that, to cope, we need new skills in communication, law interpretation, lane changing, reverse driving, defensive driving, courtesy, braking, accelerating, map reading, sign reading, parking, entering, exiting, maneuvering, maintenance, and interaction.

everyone's a critic
Accepting criticism as being directed toward your work and as not being of you as a person is one of the hardest things with which an artist has to contend. He has already overcome his severest critic - himself - and has exposed his soul to the world. A tearing away at this offering becomes very hard to accept as anything but personal criticism.

THAT THAT IS IS THAT THAT IS NOT IS NOT IS THAT IT IT IS

"What are you trying to say?" "Johnny has absolutely no writing potential!" "Stupid!" "This does not make sense!" "Why are you wasting my time?" "Very limited vocabulary." "SUBJECT! VERB! OBJECT!" "Limited perception!" "This is an incomplete sentence!" "I can't believe the calibre of students today!" "Writing at a Grade 2 level!" "Foolishness!" "Johnny is thinking on a very immature level" "Immediate remedial help recommended!" "Johnny requires immediate psychological testing!" "Kids can't think anymore!" "The kid will never be able to communicate with a vocabulary of four words!"

THAT THAT IS, IS. THAT THAT IS NOT, IS NOT. IS THAT IT? IT IS...

...maybe
beyond a clockwork orange
Vital to the success of the bold new world of learning is the choice and creation of learning materials. One of my favourite genres in literature is science fiction and I have set up a wide variety of writing ideas centered around imaginative fiction - finding its source in novels, short stories, graphic novels, TV and radio drama, songs and poetry - anything to break through the walls of the mundane. Keeping in mind the necessity of collating a useful toolbox of writing skills I have tried to compile an eclectic potpourri of writing assignments - all to be done on the computer and all related to Sci-Fi. In the two months I have been working with my class I have noticed amazing progress on their part and I feel I have realized my objectives beyond expectations. They have had the added "bonus" of experiencing the ideas I have gleaned from Dr. Robin Enns in my Graduate Scholarly Writing course - ideas which have not really changed my teaching and living philosophy too much, but have surely helped to crystalize and offer encouragement that I may be on the right track. The PO philosophy too, was especially elucidating.

grok
The many themes found in current science fiction provide fertile ground for a multitude of writing and discussion topics - good imagination releasing stuff. I think it imperative that a teacher remains open to new ideas and I am constantly looking for new approaches. It is all too easy to fall into a trap of apathy or arrogance-based smugness. Smugness of logic cuts off creative exploration by making it unnecessary - that dangerous logic which suggests that since an idea that is right is absolutely right, there can be no point in going further to look for a better idea.

future shock
"science fiction should be required reading for future 1" alvin toffler
We have a literature about the future...a literature to take us into the future...and it is science fiction. As with most good literature much of it is rooted in the analogies, metaphors, myths, and conventions of the past, but science fiction writers acknowledge that the power of imagination is limitless - allowing the expansion of our little spheres of understanding and civilization to the limits? of the Cosmos - and beyond present human consciousness. Many people, today, are looking into the future and do not like what they see - they turn for solace in self-pity, cynicism, alcohol, drugs, religion, and mundane pursuits. But a futurist is not content to just fret and fume or mark time - he puts his mental powers to work as he imagines solutions and what marvels could be. Instead of complaining about the future he tries to do something about it. Science fiction can lead our minds through an imaginative exploration of the maze of political, social, psychological, and ethical issues that confront us. It does not try to predict the future or to stamp scientific breakthroughs as good or evil. Rather, it uses imagination to explore the consequences for human happiness and to hold up a mirror to tomorrow to examine contemporary life. As Issac Asimov replied when asked the question: "What's left to write about?"
"Only everything!"

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