And finds them very nice.
When Adam eats forbidden fruit,
He forfeits Paradise.
Mankind grows worse, but Noah's ark
His progeny are Egypt's slaves
Surrounding peoples smite.
King David takes Bathsheba from
Uriah the Hittite,
He then repents, writes psalms, but sins
A golden temple of the Lord
The prophets prophesy;
Jonah meets fish; the Preacher says
That all is vanity.
Jesus is born in Bethlehem
He heals the sick, walks on the sea
By many, then ascends
To Heaven, from which he'll return
It says, when this world ends.
Saul (later Paul) falls off his horse,
Four horsemen, beasts and trumpets fill
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No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation." -Fran Lebowitz
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue." -Anonymous
"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." -Ann Landers
"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went." -Will Rogers
"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." -Ben Williams
"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.-Josh Billings
"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person." -Andrew A Rooney
"We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare.And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.-M.Facklam
"Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate." -Sigmund Freud
"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons." -James Thurber
"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down." -Robert Benchley
"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. -Rita Rudner
"Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard." -Dave Barry
"Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog."-Franklin P. Jones
"If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise." -Unknown
"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can.That s almost $21.00 in dog money." - Joe Weinstein
"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog, it s too dark to read." -Groucho Marx
"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow.They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!" -Anne Tyler
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." -Robert A. Heinlein
The Poodle and the Leopard
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the bones with her back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must
be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says: "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"
Moral of this story..
Don't mess with old guys...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience!
WEB TRIVIA ZINE ARCHIVE
Hillman Eclectic Studio
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