Trivia and Motivation Section
15 Things You Should Have Learned By Now
Mothers Never Change
Makes You Feel Good
Bumper Sticker Philosophy
BBC Poll for England's Top 100 Favourite Books
Brandon Archive Photos
Stars Without Makeup
Real Names of Celebrities
25 THINGS YOU SHOULD HAVE LEARNED BY NOW
1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. It isn't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before~Amar
Mothers Never Change
PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!"
MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY'S MOTHER: "I don't mind you having a garden, Mary, but does it have to be growing under your bed?"
MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money your father and I spent on braces, Mona, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"
HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER: "Humpty, If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!"
COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, Christopher. You still could have written!"
BABE RUTH'S MOTHER: "Babe, how many times have I told you -- quit playing ball in the house! That's the third broken window this week!"
MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"
NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right, Napoleon. If you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it!"
CUSTER'S MOTHER: "Now, George, remember what I told you -- don't go biting off more than you can chew!"
ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"
BARNEY'S MOTHER: "I realize strained plums are your favorite, Barney, but you're starting to look a little purple."
MARY'S MOTHER: "I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, Mary, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you."
BATMAN'S MOTHER: "It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance is going to be?"
GOLDILOCKS' MOTHER: "I've got a bill here for a busted chair from the Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie?"
LITTLE MISS MUFFET'S MOTHER: "Well, all I've got to say is if you don't get off your tuffet and start cleaning your room, there'll be a lot more spiders around here!"
ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But, Albert, it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?"
GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"
JONAH'S MOTHER: "That's a nice story, but now tell me where you've really been for the last three days."
SUPERMAN'S MOTHER: "Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we've decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?"
THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed!"
Makes You Feel Good
1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favourite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla or strawberry!)
12. A bubble bath.
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke.
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
26. Waking up and realising you still have a few hours left to sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.!
29. Playing with a new puppy.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trips with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you home-made cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realising that some things (good or bad) never change.
40. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.
BUMPER STICKER PHILOSOPHY
1) The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
2) I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
3) I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me
4) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6) Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
7) WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
8) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
9) BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
10) I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.
11) So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute
12) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
13) Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
14) To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
15) I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
16) My kid had sex with your honor student.
17) Earth first...we'll mind the other planets later.
18) I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
19) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
20) As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
21) I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.
22) I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
23) God must love stupid people, he made so many.
24) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
25) Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
26) It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
27) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
28) It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
29) Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
30) I know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
31) Elvis is dead, and I'm not feeling too good myself.
32) Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
33) Very funny, Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.
34) Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
35) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
36) CAT----- The Other White Meat
37) Beer----- The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon
38) I Must Be a Proctologist Because I Work With Assholes
39) I'm Out Of Bed And Dressed-----What More Do You Want?
40) Remember My Name------You'll Be Screaming It Later.
41) Welcome To Shit Creek-----Sorry, We're Out of Paddles
42) If You Think I'm A Bitch, Wait Until You Meet My Mother.
BBC Poll for England's Top 100 Favourite Books
These are the top 100 good reads as voted for by BBC viewers. They are in alphabetical order.
| 1984 - George Orwell
The Alchemist - Paul Coelho
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
Animal Farm - George Orwell
Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer
The BFG - Roald Dahl
Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
Black Beauty - Anna Sewell
Bleak House - Charles Dickens
Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
Bridget Jones' Diary - Helen Fielding
Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis de Bernieres
Catch 22 - Joseph L Heller
The Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
Charlie & Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
The Clan of the Cave Bear - Jean M Auel
Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
The Colour of Magic - Terry Pratchett
The Count of Monte Cristo - Alexander Dumas
Crime and Punishment - Fyoder Dostoyevsky
David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
Double Act - Jacqueline Wilson
Dune - Frank Herbert
Emma - Jane Austen
Far From the Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
Girls in Love - Jacqueline Wilson
The God of Small Things - Arundhati Roy
The Godfather - Mario Puzo
Gone with the Wind - Margaret Mitchell
Good Omens - Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman
Goodnight Mr Tom - Michelle Magorian
Gormenghast - Mervyn Peak
The Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
Guards! Guards! - Terry Pratchett
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - JK Rowling
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - JK Rowling
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone - JK Rowling
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - JK Rowling
His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
Holes - Louis Sacher
I Capture the Castle - Dodie Smith
Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
| Kane and Abel - Jeffrey Archer
Katherine - Anya Seton
The Lion, the witch and the wardrobe - CS Lewis
Little Women - Louisa May Alcott
Lord of the Flies - William Golding
The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
Love in the time of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
The Magic Faraway Tree - Enid Blyton
Magician - Raymond E Feist
The Magus - John Fowles
Matilda - Roald Dahl
Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
Middlemarch - George Elliot
Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
Mort - Terry Pratchett
Nightwatch - Terry Pratchett
Noughts and Crosses - Malorie Blackman
Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
On the Road - Jack Kerouac
One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Perfume - Patrick Suskind
Persuasion - Jane Austen
The Pillars of the Earth - Ken Follett
A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
The Princess Diaries - Meg Cabot
The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists - Robert Tressell
Rebecca - Daphne du Maurier
The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
The Secret History - Donna Tart
The Shell Seekers - Rosamund Pilcher
The Stand - Stephen King
The Story of Tracy Beaker - Jacqueline Wilson
A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
A Tale of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
Tess of the D'Ubervilles - Thomas Hardy
The Thorn Birds - Colleen McCollough
To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
Treasure Island - Robert Louis Stevenson
The Twits - Roald Dahl
Ulysses - James Joyce
Vicky Angel - Jacqueline Wilson
War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
Watership Down - Richard Adams
The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
From our Brandon Archive
Real Names of Celebrities
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