Volume 22
A Fun Site created by
Professor William Hillman culled from a daily motivational series
compiled for his BU Education Classes 2000-2009
The daily tech news items have been omitted since many of the stories are now "old news."

An eclectic collection of oddities, humorous anecdotes, weird photos, funny headlines, cartoons, puzzles, inspirational items, jokes, and more. . .  gathered here as a reference repository for speakers, lecturers, teachers, students, writers, or Web travellers just looking for diversion and a bit of levity. 
Trivia and Motivation Section
True Canadians
15 Things You Should Have Learned By Now
Mothers Never Change
Makes You Feel Good
Bumper Sticker Philosophy
BBC Poll for England's Top 100 Favourite Books
Brandon Archive Photos
Stars Without Makeup
Real Names of Celebrities


1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. It isn't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before

Mothers Never Change

PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!"

MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY'S MOTHER: "I don't mind you having a garden, Mary, but does it have to be growing under your bed?"

MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money your father and I spent on braces, Mona, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"

HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER: "Humpty, If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!"

COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, Christopher. You still could have written!"

BABE RUTH'S MOTHER: "Babe, how many times have I told you -- quit playing ball in the house! That's the third broken window this week!"

MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right, Napoleon. If you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it!"

CUSTER'S MOTHER: "Now, George, remember what I told you -- don't go biting off more than you can chew!"

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

BARNEY'S MOTHER: "I realize strained plums are your favorite, Barney, but you're starting to look a little purple."

MARY'S MOTHER: "I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, Mary, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you."

BATMAN'S MOTHER: "It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance is going to be?"

GOLDILOCKS' MOTHER: "I've got a bill here for a busted chair from the Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie?"

LITTLE MISS MUFFET'S MOTHER: "Well, all I've got to say is if you don't get off your tuffet and start cleaning your room, there'll be a lot more spiders around here!"

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But, Albert, it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?"

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

JONAH'S MOTHER: "That's a nice story, but now tell me where you've really been for the last three days."

SUPERMAN'S MOTHER: "Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we've decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?"

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed!"

Makes You Feel Good

1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favourite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla or strawberry!)
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke.
24. Friends.
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
26. Waking up and realising you still have a few hours left to sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.!
29. Playing with a new puppy.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trips with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you home-made cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realising that some things (good or bad) never change.
40. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

1) The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
2) I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
3) I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me
4) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6) Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
7) WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
8) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
9) BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
10) I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.
11) So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute
12) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
13) Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
14) To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
15) I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
16) My kid had sex with your honor student.
17) Earth first...we'll mind the other planets later.
18) I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
19) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
20) As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
21) I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.
22) I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
23) God must love stupid people, he made so many.
24) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
25) Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
26) It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
27) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
28) It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
29) Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
30) I know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
31) Elvis is dead, and I'm not feeling too good myself.
32) Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
33) Very funny, Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.
34) Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
35) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
36) CAT----- The Other White Meat
37) Beer----- The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon
38) I Must Be a Proctologist Because I Work With Assholes
39) I'm Out Of Bed And Dressed-----What More Do You Want?
40) Remember My Name------You'll Be Screaming It Later.
41) Welcome To Shit Creek-----Sorry, We're Out of Paddles
42) If You Think I'm A Bitch, Wait Until You Meet My Mother.

BBC Poll for England's Top 100 Favourite Books

These are the top 100 good reads as voted for by BBC viewers. They are in alphabetical order.
     1984 - George Orwell 
     The Alchemist - Paul Coelho 
     Alice's Adventures in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll 
     Animal Farm - George Orwell 
     Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy 
     Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
     Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer 
     The BFG - Roald Dahl 
     Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks 
     Black Beauty - Anna Sewell 
     Bleak House - Charles Dickens 
     Brave New World - Aldous Huxley 
     Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh 
     Bridget Jones' Diary - Helen Fielding 
     Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis de Bernieres 
     Catch 22 - Joseph L Heller 
     The Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger 
     Charlie & Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl 
     A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens 
     The Clan of the Cave Bear - Jean M Auel 
     Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons 
     The Colour of Magic - Terry Pratchett 
     The Count of Monte Cristo - Alexander Dumas 
     Crime and Punishment - Fyoder Dostoyevsky 
     David Copperfield - Charles Dickens 
     Double Act - Jacqueline Wilson 
     Dune - Frank Herbert 
     Emma - Jane Austen 
     Far From the Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy 
     Girls in Love - Jacqueline Wilson 
     The God of Small Things - Arundhati Roy 
     The Godfather - Mario Puzo 
     Gone with the Wind - Margaret Mitchell 
     Good Omens - Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman 
     Goodnight Mr Tom - Michelle Magorian 
     Gormenghast - Mervyn Peak 
     The Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck 
     Great Expectations - Charles Dickens 
     The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald 
     Guards! Guards! - Terry Pratchett 
     Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - JK Rowling 
     Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - JK Rowling 
     Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone - JK Rowling 
     Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - JK Rowling 
     His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman 
     Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams 
     The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien 
     Holes - Louis Sacher 
     I Capture the Castle - Dodie Smith 
     Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte 
     Kane and Abel - Jeffrey Archer 
     Katherine - Anya Seton 
     The Lion, the witch and the wardrobe - CS Lewis 
     Little Women - Louisa May Alcott 
     Lord of the Flies - William Golding 
     The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien 
     Love in the time of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez 
     The Magic Faraway Tree - Enid Blyton 
     Magician - Raymond E Feist 
     The Magus - John Fowles 
     Matilda - Roald Dahl 
     Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden 
     Middlemarch - George Elliot 
     Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie 
     Mort - Terry Pratchett 
     Nightwatch - Terry Pratchett 
     Noughts and Crosses - Malorie Blackman 
     Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck 
     On the Road - Jack Kerouac 
     One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez 
     Perfume - Patrick Suskind 
     Persuasion - Jane Austen 
     The Pillars of the Earth - Ken Follett 
     A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving 
     Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen 
     The Princess Diaries - Meg Cabot 
     The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists - Robert Tressell 
     Rebecca - Daphne du Maurier 
     The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett 
     The Secret History - Donna Tart 
     The Shell Seekers - Rosamund Pilcher
     The Stand - Stephen King 
     The Story of Tracy Beaker - Jacqueline Wilson 
     A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth 
     Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome 
     A Tale of Two Cities - Charles Dickens 
     Tess of the D'Ubervilles - Thomas Hardy 
     The Thorn Birds - Colleen McCollough 
     To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee 
     A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute 
     Treasure Island - Robert Louis Stevenson 
     The Twits - Roald Dahl 
     Ulysses - James Joyce 
     Vicky Angel - Jacqueline Wilson 
     War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy 
     Watership Down - Richard Adams 
     The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame 
     Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne 
     The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins 
     Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte 

From our Brandon Archive







Real Names of Celebrities
    Alan Alda = Alphonso D'Abruzzo
    Woody Allen = Allen Konigsberg
    Julie Andrews = Julia Wells
    Fred Astaire = Frederick Austerlitz

    Lauren Bacall = Betty Joan Perske
    Anne Bancroft = Anna Maria Italiano
    Pat Benatar = Patricia Andrejewski
    Tony Bennett = Anthony Benedetto
    Jack Benny = Benjamin Kubelsky
    Robert Blake = Michael Gubitosi
    Bono = Paul Hewson
    David Bowie = David Robert Jones
    Boy George = George Alan O'Dowd
    Charles Bronson = Charles Buchinski
    Albert Brooks = Albert Einstein
    Mel Brooks = Melvin Kaminsky
    George Burns = Nathan Birnbaum
    Ellen Burstyn = Edna Gilhooley
    Richard Burton = Richard Jenkins

    Nicholas Cage = Nicholas Coppola
    Michael Cain = Maurice Micklewhite
    Maria Callas = Maria Kalogeropoulos
    Vikki Carr = Florencia Casillas
    Ray Charles = Ray Charles Robinson
    Chubby Checker = Ernest Evans
    Cher = Cherilyn Sarkisian
    Patsy Cline = Virginia Patterson Hensley
    Claudette Colbert = Lily Chauchoin
    Robert Conrad = Conrad Robert Falk
    Alice Cooper = Vincent Furnier
    David Copperfield = David Kotkin
    Howard Cosell = Howard Cohen
    Elvis Costello = Declan McManus
    Lou Costello = Louis Cristillo
    Joan Crawford = Lucille Le Sueur
    Michael Crawford = Michael Dumble-Smith
    Tom Cruise = Thomas Mapother IV
    Tony Curtis = Bernard Schwartz

    Rodney Dangerfield = Jacob Cohen
    Doris Day = Doris von Kappelhoff
    James Dean = James Byron
    John Denver = Henry John Deutschendorf Jr.
    Bo Derek = Mary Cathleen Collins
    Danny DeVito = Daniel Michaeli
    Angie Dickinson = Angeline Brown
    Bo Diddley = Elias Bates
    Phyllis Diller = Phyllis Driver
    Kirk Douglas = Issur Danielovitch
    Bob Dylan = Robert Zimmerman

    Sheena Easton = Sheena Shirley Orr
    Elvira = Cassandra Paterson
    Enya = Eithne Ni Bhraonian

    Morgan Fairchild = Patsy McClenny
    Sally Field = Sally Mahoney
    W.C. Fields = William Claude Dukenfield
    Jodie Foster = Alicia Christian Foster

    Greta Garbo = Greta Gustafsson
    Judy Garland = Frances Gumm
    James Garner = James Bumgarner
    Crystal Gayle = Brenda Gayle Webb
    Kathie Lee Gifford = Kathie Epstein
    Whoopie Goldberg = Caryn Johnson
    Cary Grant = Archibald Leach

    Hammer = Stanley Kirk Burrell
    Rita Hayworth = Margarita Cansino
    Pee-Wee Herman = Paul Reubenfeld
    Barbara Hershey = Barbara Herzstine
    Billie Holliday = Eleanora Fagan
    Harry Houdini = Ehrich Weiss
    Rock Hudson = Roy Scherer Jr.

    Ice-T = Tracy Morrow
    Billy Idol = William Broad

    Elton John = Reginald Dwight
    Don Johnson = Donald Wayne
    Al Jolson = Asa Yoelson
    Tom Jones = Thomas Woodward
    Wynonna Judd = Christina Ciminella

    Boris Karloff = William Henry Pratt
    Danny Kaye = David Kaminsky
    Diane Keaton = Diane Hall
    Michael Keaton = Michael Douglas
    Chaka Khan = Yvette Stevens
    Larry King = Larry Zeigler
    Ben Kingsley = Krishna Banji
    Nastassja Kinski = Nastassja Naksyznyski

    Cheryl Ladd = Cheryl Stoppelmoor
    Veronica Lake = Constance Ockleman
    Dorothy Lamour = Mary Kaumeyer
    Michael Landon = Eugene Orowitz
    Queen Latifah = Dana Owens
    Stan Laurel = Arthur Jefferson
    Steve Lawrence = Sidney Leibowitz
    Bruce Lee = Lee Yuen Kam
    Huey Lewis = Hugh Cregg
    Jerry Lewis = Joseph Levitch
    Jack Lord = John Joseph Ryan
    Sophia Loren = Sophia Scicoloni
    Peter Lorre = Laszio Lowenstein
    Bela Lugosi = Bela Ferenc Blasko

    Shirley MacLaine = Shirley Beaty
    Elle MacPherson = Eleanor Gow
    Madonna = Madonna Louise Ciccone
    Lee Majors = Harvey Lee Yeary II
    Karl Malden = Mladen Sekulovich
    Barry Manilow = Barry Alan Pincus
    Jayne Mansfield = Vera Jane Palmer
    Walter Matthau = Walter Matuschanskayasky
    Dean Martin = Dino Crocetti
    Meat Loaf = Marvin Lee Aday
    Ethel Merman = Ethel Zimmerman
    George Michael = Georgios Panayiotou
    Marilyn Monroe = Norma Jean Mortenson (later Baker)
    Demi Moore = Demetria Guynes
    Rita Moreno = Rosita Alverio
    Harry Morgan = Harry Bratsburg

    Chuck Norris = Carlos Ray
    Andre Norton = Mary Alice Norton
    Notorious B.I.G. = Christopher Wallace

    Jack Palance = Walter Palanuik
    Bernadette Peters = Bernadette Lazzaro
    Slim Pickens = Louis Lindley
    Mary Pickford = Gladys Smith
    Stephanie Powers = Stefania Federkiewicz
    Prince = Prince Rogers Nelson

    Tony Randall = Leonard Rosenberg
    Johnnie Ray = John Alvin
    Donna Reed = Donna Belle Mullenger
    Della Reese = Delloreese Patricia Early
    Joan Rivers = Joan Sandra Molinsky
    Edward G. Robinson = Emmanuel Goldenberg
    Mickey Rooney = Joe Yule Jr.
    Johnny Rotten = John Lydon
    Winona Ryder = Winona Horowitz

    Susan Sarandon = Susan Tomaling
    Jane Seymour = Joyce Frankenberg
    Omar Sharif = Michael Shalhoub
    Charlie Sheen = Carlos Irwin Estevez
    Martin Sheen = Ramon Estevez
    Talia Shire = Talia Coppola
    Sinbad = David Atkins
    Slash = Saul Hudson
    Suzanne Somers = Suzanne Mahoney
    Robert Stack = Robert Modini
    Barbara Stanwyck = Ruby Stevens
    Ringo Starr = Richard Starkey
    Connie Stevens = Concetta Ingolia
    Sting = Gordon Sumner
    Donna Summer = La Donna Gaines

    Mr. T = Lawrence Tero
    Danny Thomas = Muzyad Yakhoob
    Tiny Tim = Herbert Khaury
    Rip Torn = Elmore Rual Torn Jr.
    Randy Travis = Randy Traywick
    Sophie Tucker = Sophia Kalish
    Tina Turner = Annie Mae Bullock
    Twiggy = Leslie Hornby

    Rudolph Valentino = Rudolpho D'Antonguolla
    Frankie Valli = Frank Castelluccio
    Sid Vicious = John Simon Ritchie

    John Wayne = Marion Morrison
    Raquel Welch = Raquel Tejada
    Gene Wilder = Jerome Silberman
    Shelley Winters = Shirley Schrift
    Stevie Wonder = Stevland Morris
    Natalie Wood = Natasha Gurdin

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