Origin of Popular Phrases
F-1 for Help!
Don't Throw Away That Old PC I
Does PowerPoint make us stupid?
If Poe Had Written Dick and Jane
What to do. . .
The Top 9 E-mail Hoaxes
What You Didn't See in the Movies
10 Rules for Good Housekeeping
Ain't It The Truth
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Best Things To Say -- If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk
A Week At The Gym
What I've Learned
We Must Pull Out!
Didja Know. . . About Pickles. . .?
Backyard Miniature Golf
Don't Throw Away That Old PC II
Origin of Popular Phrases
‘Dead as a door nail’ - meaning dead, with no chance for recovery.
Example: “You might as well throw out that old lawn mower. The engine is as dead as a door nail.”
Origin – When first used, nails were hand tooled and expensive. When a building was torn down the valuable nails would be salvaged and reused. But when installing a door, carpenters usually drove the nail through the wood, then bent over the other end so it couldn't work its way out during the repeated opening and closing of the door. When it came time to salvage the building, these door nails were considered useless, or "dead" because of the bend.
F-1 for Help!
One of the oldest known shortcuts with computers (most programs) is F1. As far back as the 1980s programmers knew that software help was often needed and made it available by simply hitting the universal help key; F1. Yet even some seasoned computer users today have forgotten about this time saving key. Don't forget about it the next time you run into trouble.
DON'T THROW AWAY THAT OLD PC I
Does PowerPoint make us stupid?
Rock star David Byrne turns PowerPoint into art
SAN FRANCISCO, California (AP) --David Byrne, an accomplished composer, photographer and lead singer of Talking Heads, has evolved -- some would say devolved -- into an unlikely artistic medium: PowerPoint. Best known for vocals in "Psycho Killer" and "Burning Down the House," Byrne originally intended to spoof the ubiquitous software as a dumbed-down form of expression between communication-addled business executives.
But after spending several hours designing a mock slide show, Byrne became intrigued. He decided to experiment with PowerPoint as an artistic medium -- and ponder whether it shapes how we talk and think. In his book and DVD compilation, "Envisioning Emotional Epistemological Information," Byrne twists PowerPoint from a marketing tool into a multimedia canvas, pontificating that the software's charts, graphs, bullet points and arrows have changed communication styles.
"I just got carried away and started making stuff," Byrne said. "It communicates within certain limited parameters really well and very easily. The genius of it is that it was designed for any idiot to use. I learned it in a few hours, and that's the idea."
The 96-page compilation, which debuted in September for $80, is best described as a coffee table book for nerds. The initial printing run of 1,500 copies sold out by mid-December. The book includes mostly lucid musings on how PowerPoint has ushered in "the end of reason," with pictures of bar charts gone hideously astray, fields of curved arrows that point at nothing, disturbing close-ups of wax hands and eyebrows, and a photo of Dolly the cloned sheep enclosed by punctuation brackets. The 20-minute DVD, encased in the navy blue hardback cover, features the same abstractions in motion. Byrne wrote most of the music.
Byrne, 51, who was born in Scotland but has spent most of his adulthood in New York, said the compilation wasn't meant as a "serious statement about anything." But by fixating on PowerPoint, Byrne -- idolized by millions as a rock star for intellectuals -- has stoked a fierce debate.
Visual artists say Microsoft Corp.'s popular "slideware" -- which makes it easy to incorporate animated graphics and other entertainment into presentations -- lulls people into accepting pablum over ideas. Foes say PowerPoint's ubiquity perverts everything from elementary school reports to NASA's scientific theses into sales pitches with bullet points and stock art. One of the Internet's inventors, Vint Cerf, gets laughs from audiences by quipping, "Power corrupts and PowerPoint corrupts absolutely."
Cerf, now an MCI executive and chairman of the Internet's key oversight body, doesn't shun PowerPoint completely, but said avoiding it "actually improves communication because people have to listen rather than being distracted by fancy PowerPoint charts." Edward R. Tufte, a Yale University professor and author of graphic design book "Envisioning Information," is perhaps the most vocal PowerPoint hater. He believes PowerPoint's emphasis on format over content commercializes and trivializes subjects.
In a Wired magazine editorial in September titled "PowerPoint Is Evil," Tufte compared PowerPoint presentations to a school play: "very loud, very slow, and very simple." Peter Norvig, 46, engineering director at Google Inc., is generally credited with creating the first PowerPoint parody in 1999, when he published an online slideshow of Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address. The spoof, which by Norvig's estimate has been viewed by at least 500,000 people, includes bullet points such as "unfinished work (great tasks)," "new birth of freedom" and "government not perish."
Norvig, who recently ordered a copy of Byrne's compilation for himself, said Byrne is wading in treacherous waters. "People are asking whether, ultimately, PowerPoint makes us all stupid, or does it help us streamline our thoughts?" said Norvig, who first saw Talking Heads in the late '70s. "My belief is that PowerPoint doesn't kill meetings. People kill meetings. But using PowerPoint is like having a loaded AK-47 on the table: You can do very bad things with it."
Microsoft spokesman Simon Marks wouldn't comment on whether PowerPoint has debased society but said in an e-mail, "PowerPoint continues to evolve to make it easier for customers to present their information in the style that best suits the content and the audience." Byrne, a Tufte admirer who attended the Rhode Island School of Design, writes that PowerPoint's "subtle sets of biases" indoctrinate users to speak -- and think -- simply.
But the overall tone of this compilation is somewhat like a sales pitch -- whimsical and upbeat. Byrne is unapologetic about liking PowerPoint. "Software constraints are only confining if you use them for what they're intended to be used for," Byrne said in a phone interview. "PowerPoint may not be of any use for you in a presentation, but it may liberate you in another way, an artistic way. Who knows."
The gulf between Byrne's and Tufte's outlooks troubles fans. Jimmy Guterman, 41, a writer whose Boston-area office includes posters of Tufte and Byrne, said he feels like the child of divorce. "Quite frankly, I have to side with Tufte on this one," Guterman said. "Byrne thinks it's funny that this tool exists, and he wants to play with it. Tufte is going for the jugular. But they both in different ways understand that PowerPoint is a broken tool."Copyright 2003 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.If Poe Had Written Dick and Jane
Once upon an autumn morning, suddenly and without warning,
Came before my saddened eye a youth denominated Dick.
"Oh!" I cried in joyous wonder, "Oh, oh, oh!" No, 'twas no blunder,
My pall of sorrow rent asunder, my gladdened heart now beating quick -
Yes, my tired heart, once mired in sadness, now was beating quick -
My fevered soul no longer sick.
Oh, so gamesome his disporting, his curveting, his cavorting,
Such surcease my soul affording, that had been so sad of late.
"Look, look, look!" was all my uttering, said distinctly, with no muttering,
Wingéd words from my lips fluttering, giving thanks to kindly Fate -
With such simple words did I give thanks to beneficient Fate -
"Look!" did I reiterate.
To athletic Dick now entered sister Jane, like him engendered
In the fecund, many-splendoured womb of her whom they call Mother.
Circling, she swiftly skated; though one skate was separated
From her foot, she still gyrated, round and round about her brother -
Rapidly she still gyrated, round about her gamboling brother -
Thus they played with one another.
Two did not complete the tally, still to come was Baby Sally,
Brisk, for she disdained to dally, bearing her umbrella high.
"Look, Dick, look, Jane, look at Baby!" went the glad refrain, for maybe,
Maybe, she'd do something funny, so with sunny heart did I -
Hoping to see something funny, as my heart was leaping high -
Fix her with attentive eye.
Senses reeling, rapture-smitten, still I could descry a kitten,
"Puff" on leathern collar written, join the twosome and the tot.
Close behind her, softly panting, gleeful, gay and gallivanting,
Caracoled that regal canine whom the others knew as Spot -
Danced and pranced that noble spaniel known to all the world as Spot -
Oh, the bliss that they begot!
Woe! no sooner had elation reached its final consummation
Than a demon of vexation crept its way into my breast.
Were they of intent refraining from explicitly explaining
How I might hope for regaining her whom once I had caressed?
Brought they no hope of regaining her whom once I had caressed?
By whose love I once was blessed?
"Tell me, children, dog, or kitten, shall the lamp be ever litten
That will guide me though the shades to find the maiden I did love?"
"Look, look, look," said Dick, defiant, "Oh, oh," said Jane, uncompliant,
"See," said Sally with a sigh, and "Woof," said Spot, and "Mew," said Puff -
No one told me, neither Dick nor Jane nor Sally, Spot, or Puff -
"Oh, look, see," was their rebuff.
"Villains!" shrieked I in my madness, "bearers of deceitful gladness,
Thus to leave me in my sadness, here condemned forevermore!
Watching Dick and Jane and Sally, sundered by the dreadful valley
Of the shadow from that maiden whom I did betimes adore -
From that rare and radiant maiden whom I did betimes adore!"
"Oh," they quoth...then quoth no more.
What to do. . .
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic! Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: just cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.
Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them
The top 9 e-mail hoaxes
Income taxes are optional, Neiman Marcus has an expensive cookie recipe and more financial fictions that crowd in-boxes. These e-mail hoaxes are designed for one thing: to drain your wallet.
By Amy C. Fleitas, Bankrate.com
Ever wondered if anyone makes the money promised in those work-at-home advertisements? Or if each forwarded e-mail will really mean a donation of 10 cents from Microsoft to an orphan's organ-transplant operation? The answer is no. These stories are urban legends, e-mail rumors and scams. They are but a few of what we like to call financial fiction. The following are some of the most popular and most creative examples waiting in in-boxes.
Neiman Marcus' expensive cookie recipe
Here's what happened. My Aunt Cynthia was having lunch at Neiman Marcus with my cousin. For dessert, they had these delicious cookies and my aunt asked the waitress for the recipe. The waitress said they the recipe sold for "two fifty." My Aunt thought that meant $2.50 said OK. But when she got her bill they charged her $250. She was furious but they wouldn't refund her money. So in revenge, she's giving away the recipe to anyone who wants it.
Can you believe that? You can? Sucker. It never happened. But this rumor has been circulating for decades. A similar story about a $25 red velvet cake recipe has been traced as far back as the 1940s. If you want the cookie recipe, Neiman Marcus has gotten so sick of the bad press about this false rumor that the company posted the recipe on its Web site.
Forwarded e-mail for money or donations
Microsoft and Disney are both beta-testing an e-mail tracker and will send you money if you forward this e-mail. The Gap is testing an e-mail tracker and will send you a gift certificate. The Red Cross is using its e-mail tracker and will donate money for some poor kid's operation or to raise funds for an orphan of Sept. 11.
If you believe any of these stories, I have some bad news for you. There is no such thing as an e-mail tracker. Coke won't send you free cans. Gerber won't send you savings bonds. Cracker Barrel won't send you gift certificates. A Britney Spears' video won't pop up as the result of you forwarding an e-mail. And AOL has a public relations department that gets news out a lot more efficiently than any chain mail ever could. You get nothing but the embarrassment of knowing that everyone you forward this e-mail to will think you're a fool.
Nigerian scam letter
Greetings, sir. I got your e-mail address from a very confidential source -- the Internet. I am the prince, minister and Grand Poo-ba of one of many foreign nations that you stupid Americans have never heard of. There is a billion, kazillion dollars in an account here that rightfully belongs to my family and my people. Due to some horrid-bloody military coup in which my entire family, several accountants and various goats lost their lives, I cannot reach this money. But you, an American who has never heard of my country, can march right into the corner branch of God-Forsaken-War-Torn-East-of-Nowhere-Africa and deposit this money right into your fat American bank account. For your trouble, I'll give you a few million off the top -- because what's a few million between confidential best friends who have never actually even heard of one another?
OK, let's start from the top. Do not kid yourself. You are not so important that the High Priest of Anywhere will e-mail you requesting help. Rid yourself of your delusions of grandeur -- or as we say back home, you may sing "Like a Virgin" into your hairbrush every night, but that doesn't make you Madonna.
Here's what will happen when you give strangers your bank account information: They will take your money. Period. End of story. You get nothing, but you lose a lot.
Work at home
Old scam, new format. You should immediately run from anyone who promises lots of money for little work that requires no experience. While there are companies that allow their employees to work from home, they require job skills and interviews, just like regular jobs. Work-at-home scams will ask you to purchase supplies and equipment from them to perform the "job." That's how they make their money. You will lose -- not make -- money.
You won! And you didn't even enter!
How can you take anything seriously that uses so many exclamation marks?!!!!! Guess what!!!!! You didn't win anything!!!! These people will try to finagle money out of you by saying you need to pay taxes or fees to collect your prize!!!!! Or they will give you a free trip that requires you to buy very expensive airline tickets through their agency!!!! Don't be a sucker!!!!!
You'll receive $5,000 for sending $25
Here's how it works. Send $5 to the five people on the list or to the address that will send you the "reports." In return for your money you'll get -- nothing -- because this is a scam. Well, maybe you'll get something -- a conviction for mail fraud because this is illegal.
Tricking the traffic court
The Web-watching site Truthorfiction.com reports that a rumor is currently circling e-mails accounts claiming that there's a sneaky way to keep a traffic ticket off your driving record: pay a little more than the amount on the ticket. The court will send you a refund check. If you don't cash the check, the computer won't mark your case as closed and the ticket will never show up on your record. This idea is great in theory, lousy in reality. It doesn't work. Here's a way to keep tickets off your record that does work: slow down.
Tax or long-distance charges on e-mail
You got a forwarded e-mail from your friend that says you will soon be charged for your long-distance e-mails, just like you are charged for long-distance phone calls. Oh, really? And what will the phone company use to compute your bill -- its e-mail tracker? Calm down. No one is going to charge you long distance for your e-mails. This is an e-mail myth.
Clinton got rid of the IRS -- no more taxes
That sneaky Bill Clinton -- did you know that when he wasn't gallivanting about with interns he was busy getting Congress to pass secret legislation that would forgive all debts and abolish the Internal Revenue Service? Alan Greenspan was going to announce it on Sept. 11, 2001 but didn't because of the terrorist attacks. Oh, wishful thinking -- or maybe not. A move like that is the equivalent of tossing what's left of our economy into a vast financial toilet and flushing with the combined might of the National Football League. In the plausible department, this rumor, reported by Truthorfiction.com, is right up there with alien cattle mutilations and Cameron Diaz spending a Friday night alone at home, eating Ben & Jerry's because she couldn't get a date -- completely ridiculous.
What You Didn't See in the Movies
HERKY NOSE ART ~ HERCULES C-130
10 RULES FOR GOOD HOUSEKEEPING
1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
2. Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.
3. Never make fried chicken in the nude.
4. Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.
5. You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
6. If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.
7. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
8. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
9. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere.
10. When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
AIN'T IT THE TRUTH:
1. If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two and keep away from children.
2. It's a very strange name they picked for "Social Security." For what they actually send you, you can't afford to be "social" nor can you really feel "secure."
3. Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite. Have you ever seen a man get on a bus ahead of one?
4. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
5. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
7. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9. The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
10. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
11. When you're swimming in the creek and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray!
12. A fine is tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
13. The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.
14. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
15. I wished the buck stopped here. I could use a few.
16. When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Why did the chicken cross the road? An age old question.
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it-the "other side". Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I've not been told.
To die. In the rain.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
It was a historical inevitability.
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by "chicken"? Could you define "chicken" please?
GEORGE W. BUSH
I don't think I should have to answer that question.
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
I missed one?
BEST THINGS TO SAY--- IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:
10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably got here just in time."
7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"
4. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
3. "The coffee machine is broken..."
2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
AND THE #1 BEST THING TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK...
1. ".... in Jesus' name. Amen."
A WEEK AT THE GYM
This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine. A week at the Gym. One mans story!
For my fiftieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college football team 30 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
Called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swimwear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
Started my day at 6:00am.
Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She was something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile.
Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today.
Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around.
This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, and then she put weights on it!
My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile.
Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it.
I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.
Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?
Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other sh$t too.
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room.. She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
I hate that b$tch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there were a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.
Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the *&%#(#&**!!@*@ barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so
I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, my wife (the b$tch), will choose a gift for me that is fun like a root canal or a vasectomy.
Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.
Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage.
Burglarize: What a crook sees with.
Control: A short, ugly inmate.
Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Eclipse: What an English barber does for a living.
Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
Heroes: What a guy in a boat does.
Left Bank: What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
Misty: How golfers create divots.
Paradox: Two physicians.
Parasites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Pharmacist: A helper on the farm.
Polarize: What penguins see with.
Primate: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
Relief: What trees do in the spring.
Rubberneck: What you do to relax your wife.
Seamstress: Describes 250 pounds in a size 6.
Selfish: What the owner of a seafood store does.
Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official.
And a favorite:
Subdued ... like a guy, like works on one of those, like, submarines, man!
WHAT I'VE LEARNED. . .
These were written by Andy Rooney,a man who has the gift of saying so much with so few words. ... Please enjoy them.
I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person. I've learned....That when you're in love, it shows. I've learned....That just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day. I've learned....That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world I've learned....That being kind is more important than being right. I've learned....That you should never say no to a gift from a child. I've learned....That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way. I've learned....That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with. I've learned....That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand. I've learned....That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult. I've learned....That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. I've learned....That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for. I've learned....That money doesn't buy class. I've learned....That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. I've learned....That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved. I've learned....That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can? I've learned....That to ignore the facts does not change the facts. I've learned....That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you. I've learned....That love, not time, heals all wounds. I've learned....That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am. I've learned....That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile. I've learned....That there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks. I've learned....That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them. I've learned....That life is tough, but I'm tougher. I've learned....That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss. I've learned....That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere. I've learned....That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away. I've learned....That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them. I've learned....That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. I've learned....That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it. I've learned....That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life. I've learned....That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it. I've learned ...That it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation. I've learned....That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done. To all of you.... Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence.
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."
A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us.
WE MUST PULL OUT!
It's time to reevaluate our involvement.
Every day there are news reports about more deaths.
Every night on TV there are photos of death and destruction.
Why are we still there?It has become all too clear. We MUST pull out of California!
We occupied this land, which we had to take by force, but it causes us nothing but trouble. Many of our children go there and never come back. Their government is unstable and has a history of sloppy leadership. Many of their people are uncivilized. The place is subject to numerous natural disasters, and we are expected to bail them out. There are more than 1000 religious sects, most of which we do not understand. Their food fads and way of life are unfathomable to ordinary Americans. We can't even secure the borders. They are billions of dollars in debt, and it will cost billions more to rebuild, which we can't afford.
Didja Know. . . About Pickles. . .?
Be it dill, sweet, gherkin, mixed, or any one of the many varieties available, pickles are popular with people everywhere. Did j’a know these interesting facts about the pickle?
It is believed that pickles date back 4500 years to Mesopotamia.
Each year, there are enough pickles eaten to reach to the moon and back 8.25 times.
Globally, we consume more than 5,000,000 lbs (2,250,000 kilos) of pickles daily.
A pickle is a “fruit” of the vine, but most people consider it a vegetable.
Pickles are a healthy food choice--they have no cholesterol and are fat-free.
There are at least 50 types of pickles available today.
The Dill pickle is the most popular, followed by the sweet pickle.
Amerigo Vespucci was a pickle merchant before becoming an explorer.
Shakespeare first recorded the phrase “in a pickle” in his play, The Tempest.
In 1900, Heinz erected a 40’ electric pickle in New York.
Never throw away your pickle juice. It can be used for drinks, salads, marinades, hangovers, and lots and lots of recipes.
Backyard Miniature Golf
End of Year and Summer Activities for School Kids
Entertain kids on a hot summer afternoon with this Summertime Boredom Buster, or add a fun event to an adult outdoor summer soiree. Create you very own miniature golf course in your backyard! Building it can be half the fun. Try these ideas to get you started:
Use croquet mallets and balls if available.
Set the lawn mower to a lower than normal height, and cut a grass ‘path’ to clearly mark each hole.
Make flags for each hole using a small dowel and bright plastic or construction paper. Number the flags and holes.
Make a gravel or sand trap by putting down plastic sheeting and covering it with sand. (easy clean-up later)
Use boards and a brick, log, or cement block to make an incline to go up and over.
Make a tunnel to go through from half a hollow piece of log.
Make an obstacle course from old paint cans set in rows.
Give each hole a funny name.
Print out scorecards to serve as keepsakes for visitors.
“If everything is under control, you're not going fast enough.” ~ Mario Andretti
DON'T THROW AWAY THAT OLD PC II
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