10 Grammar Mistakes That Make You Look Stupid
Always use your Spell Check program. Also, in your Outlook mail program choose the "Always Check Spelling Before Sending" option. . . then look for grammatical errors such as:
1. Loose for lose
No: I always loose the product key.
Yes: I always lose the product key.
2. It's for its
No: Download the HTA, along with it's readme file.
Yes: Download the HTA, along with its readme file.
No: The laptop is overheating and its making that funny noise again.
Yes: The laptop is overheating and it's making that funny noise again.
3. They're for their for there
No: The managers are in they're weekly planning meeting.
Yes: The managers are in their weekly planning meeting.
No: The techs have to check there cell phones at the door, and their not happy about it.
Yes: The techs have to check their cell phones at the door, and they're not happy about it.
4. i.e. for e.g.
No: Use an anti-spyware program (i.e., AdAware).
Yes: Use an anti-spyware program (e.g., AdAware).
Note: The term i.e. means "that is"; e.g. means "for example." And a comma follows both of them.
5. Effect for affect
No: The outage shouldn't effect any users during work hours.
Yes: The outage shouldn't affect any users during work hours.
Yes: The outage shouldn't have any effect on users.
Yes: We will effect several changes during the downtime.
Note: Impact is not a verb. Purists, at least, beg you to use affect instead:
No: The outage shouldn't impact any users during work hours.
Yes: The outage shouldn't affect any users during work hours.
Yes: The outage should have no impact on users during work hours.
6. You're for your
No: Remember to defrag you're machine on a regular basis.
Yes: Remember to defrag your machine on a regular basis.
No: Your right about the changes.
Yes: You're right about the changes.
7. Different than for different from
No: This setup is different than the one at the main office.
Yes: This setup is different from the one at the main office.
Yes: This setup is better than the one at the main office.
8. Lay for lie
No: I got dizzy and had to lay down.
Yes: I got dizzy and had to lie down.
Yes: Just lay those books over there.
9. Then for than
No: The accounting department had more problems then we did.
Yes: The accounting department had more problems than we did.
Note: Here's a sub-peeve. When a sentence construction begins with If, you don't need a then. Then is implicit, so it's
superfluous and wordy:
No: If you can't get Windows to boot, then you'll need to call Ted.
Yes: If you can't get Windows to boot, you'll need to call Ted.
10. Could of, would of for could have, would have
No: I could of installed that app by mistake.
Yes: I could have installed that app by mistake.
No: I would of sent you a meeting notice, but you were out of town.
Yes: I would have sent you a meeting notice, but you were out of town.
Ever wonder what is behind the locked door in our computer lab #3?
This is weird, but interesting!
fi yuo cna
raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe
out of 100 can.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht
I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid,
aoccdrnig to a rscheearch
at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht
oerdr the ltteres in a wrod
are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat
ltteer be in the rghit
pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed
it whotuit a pboerlm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter
by istlef, but the
wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot
slpeling was ipmorantt!
if you can raed tihs forwrad it
HOW US GOVERNMENT WORKS!
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said, "someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.
Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.
Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.
Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal
Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost."
So they laid off the night watchman.
Maritime Engineering Project
Comments made in the year 1955!
'I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $10.00.
'Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $1, 000.00 will only buy a used one.
'If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. 20 cents a pack is ridiculous.
'Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging 7 cents just to mail a letter
'If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.
'When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 25 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage.
'I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.
'I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down inTexas .
'Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $50,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the President.
'I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now.
'It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet.
'It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.
'I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.
'Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to government.
'The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.
'There is no sense going on short trips anymore for a weekend, it costs nearly $2.00 a night to stay in a hotel.
'No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $15.00 a day in the hospital, it's too rich for my blood.'
'If they think I'll pay 30 cents for a hair cut, forget it.'
TELEPHONE SOLICITORS AND JUNK MAIL
I suppose some degree of commerce would grind to a halt if telephone solicitors weren't able to call people at home during the dinner hour. But that doesn't make it any more pleasant.
Now Steve Rubenstein, a writer for the San Francisco Chronicle, has proposed "Three Little Words" based on his brief experience in a telemarketing operation that would stop the nuisance for all time.
The three little words are "Hold on, please."
Saying this while putting down your phone and walking off instead of hanging up immediately would make each telemarketing call so time consuming those boiler rooms would grind to a halt. When you eventually hear the phone company's beep beep beep tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task.
When you get ads in your phone or utility bill, include them with the payment. Let them throw the stuff away. Think globally; act locally.
When you get those pre-approved letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and junk like that, most of them come with postage paid return envelopes, right? Well, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little envelopes! Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express, or a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you didn't get anything else that day, then just send them their application back! Just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them. You can send it back empty if you want, just to keep 'em guessing! Let's turn this e-mail into a chain letter! Eventually, the banks and credit card companies will begin getting all their junk back in the mail. Let's let them know what it's like to get junk mail, and best of all...THEY'RE paying for it! Twice! Let's support our postal service. They say e-mail is cutting into their business and that's why they need to keep increasing postage. We can help!
LETTERMAN'S TOP TEN ARCHIVE
|What does the sign say?
Are you sure?
|Do you see a cube missing a corner? Or do you see a small cube in a big one?||Is the blue side on the inner left back or the outer left front?||Is the left center circle bigger?
No, they're both the same size.
No, these are a bunch of independent circles.
There are only 3 colors: White, green, and pink.
There seem to be two different shades of pink, but there is only one pink.
without moving your eyes.
Then look at a blank sheet of paper
and you'll see the queen.
Then immediately stare at a white area on the screen
or at a sheet of paper.
You should see a glowing light bulb!
Back to the Hillman
Eclectic Studio Site
BILL AND SUE-ON HILLMAN: A 50-YEAR MUSICAL ODYSSEY
WEB TRIVIA ZINE ARCHIVE
Hillman Eclectic Studio
All Original Work ©2014 by Bill Hillman and/or Contributing Authors/Owners
No part of this web site may be reproduced without permission from the respective owners.