A Fun Site by Professor William Hillman culled from a motivational series
compiled for his BU Education Classes 2000-2009

An eclectic collection of oddities, humorous anecdotes, weird photos, funny headlines, cartoons, puzzles, inspirational items, jokes, and more. . .  gathered here as a reference repository for speakers, lecturers, teachers, students, writers, or Web travellers just looking for diversion and a bit of levity. 


Larger Collage Image
Source page in the Hillman Rare Photos Archive

 Ca - na - da (Priceless!)

 Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website.

 Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? ( England )
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

 Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

 Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to  Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

 Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ?  Can you send me a list of them in Toronto , Vancouver ,  Edmonton and Halifax ? ( England )
A: No, but you'd better bring a few extra furs for trading purposes.

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe   Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary  Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. 

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? ( England )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it.  Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in  Vancouver and in Calgary , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany )
A: No, WE don't stink.

  Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.  Where can I sell it in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

  Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

  Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

  Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Everything I Need to Know About Life, I Learned From Noah's Ark

Turn on your speakers and pop the bubbles


#1) Research: The practice of reading three books that nobody has ever read before in order to write a fourth book that nobody will ever read.

#2) Steal from one – that’s plagiarism; Steal from many – that’s research!

#3) Even under the most rigid set of controlled conditions, the lab animal will do what it damn well pleases!

#4) Research Glossary [of Incompetence]: What is written… vs. [what is meant]

It has long been known that…
[I haven’t bothered to look up the original reference]

A survey of the earlier literature…
[I even read through some of last year’s journals]

Of great theoretical and practical importance…
[Interesting to me]

While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to these questions…
[The experiments didn’t work out, but I figured I could at least get a publication out of it]

We are excited by this finding…
[It looks publishable]

The W-Pb system was chosen as especially suitable to show the predicted behaviour…
[The fellow in the lab next door had some already made up]

High purity… Very high purity… Extremely high purity… Super-purity… Spectroscopically pure…
[Composition unknown except for the exaggerated claims of the supplier]

A fiducial reference line…
[A scratch]

Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study…
[The results on the others didn’t make sense and were ignored]

Preliminary experiments have shown…
[We did it once but couldn’t repeat it]

We have a tentative explanation…
[I picked this up in a bull session last night.]

Accidentally strained during mounting…
[Dropped on the floor]

Handled with extreme care throughout the experiments…
[Not dropped on the floor]

Typical results are shown…
[The best results are shown]

Although some detail has been lost in reproduction, it is clear from the original photograph that…
[It is impossible to tell from the photograph]

A surprising finding…
[We barely had time to revise the abstract. Of course we fired the technician]

Presumably at longer times…
[I didn’t take the time to find out]

We didn’t carry out the long term study…
[We like to go home at 5 pm. What do you think we are, slaves?]

The agreement with the predicted curve is excellent




As good as could be expected…

These results will be reported at a later date…
[I might possibly get around to this sometime]

The most reliable values are those of Jones…
[He was a student of mine…]

It is suggested that… It is believed that… It may be that…
[I think]

It is generally believed that…
[A couple of other guys think so too]

It might be argued that…
[I have such a good answer to this objection that I shall now raise it]

It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding…
[I don’t understand it]

Unfortunately, a quantitative theory to account for these effects has not been formulated…
[Neither does anybody else]

Correct to within an order of magnitude…

It is to be hoped that this work will stimulate further work in the field…
[This paper isn’t very good, but neither are any of the others in this miserable subject]

Thanks are due to Joe Bloggs for assistance with the experiments and to John Doe for valuable discussions…
[Bloggs did the work and Doe explained what it meant]


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